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“Itchy Asshole Spell”

The infamous “Itchy Asshole Spell” Chelle and Laylla talk about in an episode of their first podcast “The Stoned Witches Hour”. This spell is meant to teach a lesson and be intensely irritating rather than debilitating (you do you though)

Spell components:

Cayenne Pepper - used to cause discord or upheaval in someone’s life. It can be added to spells intended to 'heat up' a situation. Due to its intense heat and irritating properties it brings constant agitation or unrest to an individual

Black Pepper - for banishing the negativity and enforcing your boundaries

Stinging Nettle - protects by setting up prickly barriers that harm those who try to cross. It can ensure that boundaries are not only set but enforced painfully. Brings stinging discomfort and misfortune when used in baneful magick

Cornmeal - minor prickly irritation, think crumbs of cornmeal in your sheets

pink rose bud - a representative of your target

Paper and pen

Large pin

Red purple or black candle - Use red if you need to reclaim your personal power in this situation, purple if you wish to gain power over the target, and black if you want them out of your life completely

Incense - Laylla says use dragonsblood or any incense you like, Chelle suggests using black pepper and cayenne pepper for the incense. If you do (and I don’t recommend it!) DO NOT inhale the smoke or get it in your eyes. Use it sparingly, with an open window, and with caution (and damn how much do you hate them to do this to yourself??)

A large apple with a deep flower end

- cut the bottom end of the apple off about ½-1" thick. turn it cut side down on the cornmeal with the flower end (the butt end) facing up like a small dish

Gather your ingredients and be sure to have a safe place to burn paper.

Set the stage for your working, cast a circle, call your guides, or deity, whatever you like to do to get into a magickal mindset and a witchy space

Light the candle and incense

Seriously think about your intent with this spell and what you want it to accomplish.

Write your target's name on the paper and wave it through the smoke 3 times. Then fold it 3 times in the incense smoke, with purpose and intent while saying:

“I fold your name in the heat and smoke,

intense discomfort to provoke.

A reminder sharp, an itch to teach, 

the ‘find out’ part is within your reach.”

Pin the paper shut with the large pin while visualizing sealing off their negative energy and directing it back to them

  • If you feel like stabbing the paper a couple times first that's ok too

Light the paper with the candle and burn it in a safe dish. Crush the rose bud over the burning paper and say:

“Your tender bud so pink and sweet, mangled now with revenge and heat” 

Mix cayenne pepper, black pepper, and nettle together and add to the paper ash and rose petals and say:

“Fuck around, find out” x 3

Stab the apple butt with the pin 9 times (27 if you’re really pissed off) and say:

“Prickle, burn, poke and itch.

Justice is served and karma’s a bitch”

  • Chant this to raise energy and empower the spell while putting the herb/rose/paper ash mixture in the apple butt with intention (Chelle likes to add Red Hot sauce to the apple butt before adding the herb mixture)

Melt wax from the candle over the top of the herbs, imagining the heat and burn adding to and sealing the spell

Visualize the energy you raised empowering the spell and carrying out your will, then release the energy to its work and end the spell. 

Disposing of the spell will vary depending on your intention. If you want the energy between you and the target to transform into something new and hopefully good after they learn their lesson then you should bury it in your garden or compost bin. If you want that asshole out of your life for good just throw it away in the garbage. If they need to learn a huge lesson and you want to burn that bridge to the freaking ground, dispose of the spell in a large fire (safely please, no need for spell backlash to hit immediately)

After  releasing the energy to work your will and disposing of the spell, you should ground, center, and have a little food, a cleansing bath, and an herbal smoke or tea 

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